Saturday Beats: Violence and Family

From this week's issue of the Beat Within. To view more visit TheBeatWithin.org.

My Bro
My earliest memory of violence is when I was 10 year old. I was on the block with my brothers and they were smoking and shooting dice on the block, and these boys walked up on the dice game and told my brother to get up and bang for his life.

I was only 10 years old and I didn’t know what was going on, and one of the boys told me to run, but I stayed there, just looking at my brother, then one of one of the boys shot my brother in the head two times and the after that shot him in his back. I just looked at my brother and started to cry, but before that my brother said, “you gonna kill me in front of the the baby (me)?” He then looked at me and said, “I love you,” and they shot him.

I then ran and ran, so fast, and just cried all day, like my brother is really gone.

What really keeps me strong is that before he died he told me that he loved me and I will never forget that, that made me a beast and just stopped listening to everybody and I just don’t care no more, but I am smart about it.

I want to stay I love you Dre.

-Lil' D, 150 Crew.

My Mom Suffers The Most
My mom is the one who suffers the most because she blames herself for lettin’ me run wild in the streets. But the reason she suffers the worst is because she let me take it this far. Every time I see her, she starts cryin’. I don’t let it get to me, though, because I know she just tryin’ to get me to stop bangin’. But it’s not going to happen.

My youngest brother wants to follow my footsteps. When I talk to him, I tell him that this shit ain’t cool, but he be like, “I don’t care. I want in.” I tell him when I see him I’m going to whip his ass, and he be like, “You can try, punk.” It makes me feel good inside because I know I raised him to be a killa, but I tell him, “You betta be ready for when I get out.”

Last but not least is my newborn baby sister. Man, she’s something else. I went to see her when I was on the run because I was stayin’ in the cuts. Well, anyways, she looked at me like, “Who the hell are you?” When I tried to pick her up, she started to cry. That made me feel hella sad because I know I haven’t been there for her. But I just bury all my pain inside because when you’re doing time, you can’t show your weakness to nobody. I’m out.
-Menace U6
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